Friday, 23 May 2008

Seasonal Jet Lag

That's what I've got. I arrived here last year in time for a second winter, and that's just not natural. I get winter depression normally, but I floated blissfully through winter number two, possibly just too lighted up by the excitement of so many new things, the joy of having Made It after all. That bastard depression caught up with me in the New Zealand Summer, though. And not a single reason for it. Warm and sun and my parents visiting, life and love and everything going ok. But I couldn't sleep, my mind was too busy cannibalising itself, and I was perpetually tired.

"I awoke today and found the frost perched on the town
It hovered in a frozen sky, then it gobbled summer down
When the sun turns traitor cold
and all the trees are shivering in a naked row
I get the urge for going but I never seem to go"
- Joni Mitchell

I think of that song normally in Spring. Summer is imminent, and long-ago childhood summer vacations make me feel like wandering the world care-free. Winter usually makes me want to hunker down, curl up under the covers, get comfortable, settle in. Well. This winter all I can think of is travel. Adventure. I want to see the world. I want to see the rest of New Zealand. I want to jump on a motorbike (not that I know how to ride a motorbike) and just drive off down the road. This winter, I know just how Joni feels. But. Well. It's the wrong time of year for such things, isn't it? I guess I'll just have to wait it out.

"I'll ply the fire with kindling now, I'll pull the blankets up to my chin
I'll lock the vagrant winter out and bolt my wandering in
I'd like to call back summertime and have her stay for just another month or so
But she's got the urge for going and I guess she'll have to go"

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